It is both sense of great joy and fulfilment for us, who had exchanged stimulation of nomadic life for being settled in this forest, as well as essential part of the therapeutic process, that our camp has become a meeting place for people from so diverse backgrounds, cultures, ages and paths of life. Source of healing is precisely the energy resulting from those encounters, exchange of experiences through conversations, feeling but even more through extraordinary, almost telepathic connection in the ceremonies, and so happens greater understanding of self, own suffering and way out of it, through honest seeing and acknowledging it in other, and so in all, in One. We are willingly laid bare in front of others, as we have maybe never even been in front of ourselves, and we can do it, laughing at the concept of shame, because we have seen that there is no Other. Rastafarian concept of I&I, Christian selfless love for one´s brother, dissolving the drop in the ocean, poetry of mankind has many names for what mystics had glimpsed, and there is no point in waiting who is do first step when effects benefit all. Forgive now, truly love yourself and rest grows from it.

…

To zarowno zrodlo wielkiej radosci i spelnienia dla tych z nas, ktorzy zamienili stymulacje nomadycznego zycia na osiadly tryb w tym kawalku lasu, jak rowniez niezbedna czesc terapeutycznego procesu, ze nasz oboz stal sie miejscem spotkan ludzi z tak roznorodnych sciezek zyciowych, kultur, grup wiekowych i spolecznych. Zrodlem uzdrawiania jest dokladnie energia wyplywajaca z tych spotkan, wymiany doswiadczen, konwersacji, wspol-czucia czy tym bardziej niezwyklych, niemalze telepatycznych polaczen w ceremoniach, i to tak staje sie wielki cud doglebnego zrozumienia siebie, wlasnego cierpienia i drogi z niego wyjscia, poprzez uczciwe dojrzenie i uznanie go w innym, i tym samym we wszystkich, w Jedni. Swiadomie i chetnie obnazamy sie przed innymi, tak jak nigdy nie uczynilismy tego nawet przed soba samym, i mozemy to robic, smiejac sie z idei wstydu, poniewaz zobaczylismy ze nie ma Innego. Rastafarianski koncept I&I, chrzescijanska bezinteresowna milosc blizniego, rozpuszczenie kropli w oceanie, poezja ludzkosci ma wiele okreslen na ten przeblysk zrozumienia mistykow, i nie ma sensu czekac kto ma uczynic pierwszy krok, jezeli jego owoce beda dla wszystkich. Przebacz juz teraz, kochaj siebie szczerze, a reszta z tego wyrasta.

Foundation myths of a culture tell a lot about its approach to fundamental issues of human life. Eating from Tree of Knowledge being a sin in eyes of jealous god, projection of priestly caste and rulers needing religion as tool of social control is well known example, another is work as punishment.

Judeo-christian perspective of paradise as some distant, lost place before and after, without burden of obligations and work not only can be read as longing of sedentary, agricultural civilization for times of free roaming nomads, gathering what they need from abundant garden of nature, but is also conveniently fitting in modern capitalist economy, with its obsession of mechanization, taking away more and more tasks from human consumer, in theory to make his life easier and happier, in practice fulfilling need only to create another, placing him in constant bipolar struggle between workaholism despite abundance already present, and idle emptiness in wealth and depression. It echoes in Warren Buffet´s saying that if you don’t find a way to earn in your sleep, you will be working until the end of your life.

And WTF is wrong with that?

Isn´t that approach, that work is means to a final end, result, redemption in vacation or wealthy retirement, corresponding with Christian approach to life, that the reward will come when we do the necessary work, some time later, so we have to face that dull hell of the present? Focus on destination, not the way, on prize rather than the game itself, is a source of perpetual unfulfillment and unhappiness. We created that exile ourselves, not angry Jehovah, not by being forced do the work, but by our minds taking over, with their worrying and preoccupation with future, and distorting image of present moment, including possible beauty of effort itself.

When we chop the wood, preparing it for the ceremony that comes in the evening, it is not that this sweating is something to be hated, and state of bliss after drinking ayahuasca something to be waited for and loved, because we fixed ourselves on the idea that this is ceremony, this is celebration time, sacred time, while the preparation, menial work is mundane and necessary. Chopping wood IS the ceremony, as much as burning palo santo or singing icaros.
Same logic can be applied to any activity. When you cook, you should not see that as a chore, necessary to satisfy yourself with gorging later. Etc, etc, but I should conclude with important : we heard the phrase, do what you love, and you will never work a day in your life. But that not only means, find your bliss, and become a windsurfing instructor.

It means : love everything

From the perspective of working within an old, non Western tradition of healing, what limitation and potential problem can be seen in new, so called “psychedelic renaissance” happening in the West? It is perhaps hard to convey with words, because it is precisely about words and intellect. In our opinion one can not effectively break the prison created in modern society by hegemony of mind, using tools and approach that to such extent favours the mind, the logical and disregards in worst case, or in best, is not very skilled in dealing with emotion, vibration, and much less with what is awkwardly labeled supernatural or spiritual.

The very idea that so called psychedelic substances are best ( or only ) to be used in clinical setting, by people with years of intellectual, university preparation, to help “patients” blocked in their development by dominant mind ( which is clear in issues such as depression ) seems only paradox when watched from outside of that paradigm. The mind and its relative, language, creates our world, so it is only natural that one living within it, knows no better. However, when then this way of seeing and working is projected upon the Other, who does have an alternative, which could perhaps be a way of salvation, there is a risk that this very alternative will be disregarded and destroyed.

Shaman blowing tobacco smoke on patient’s head can be only accepted as cultural relic, ancient practice that civilized people learned to respect ( very recently actually ) but would rather have delegated to museum unless it can be rationally A) understood B) proven C) explained in words/literature , all requisites of mind paradigm.

Of course, value of some non verbal “aides” to healing process slowly starts to be recognized, when intuition is given a bit of humble space, some plants will be placed in clinical setting, sometimes incense lit, young assistant to the professor will be permitted to choose playlist to play through patient’s headphones. These efforts are rather considered secondary improvement to the main structure, which is composed of authority of university degree, therapeutic tool of words and belonging of “clinical setting” to whole modern knowledge edifice.

From perspective of organic, traditional plant medicine systems this is kindergarten play. Good that these experiments are taking place, but very arrogant when those who are just beginning to get off their head and stand on their feet are looking down on the very foundation.

That foundation is somatic. It is emotional. It is, do not be afraid of this, spiritual. Intellectual understanding is just a cherry on top, it should be the addition, not other way around. But what is the biggest obstacle from being so? Impossibility of standarisation and so commercialization of both that non verbal knowledge and healing styles. Our civilization is, at least since spread of print, so much based on knowledge stadarized into small bits, that can be repeated, passed on a mass scale from mind to mind, that it simply does not want to see alternative, or perhaps sees it as shameful relic of pre-modern past.

This attitude is replicated in ways of modern medicine, if something can not be replicated in standarized bits, be it repeatable dose of chemically verifiable drug ( hence the psychedelic renaissance interest in MDMA rather than rough jungle formulas ) or standarized treatment procedures, to be taught in medical schools and books, it remains on the fringe – rather than essence it truly is :

somatic, sensual, magical experience of here and now, lacking rigidness of both religion it sometimes decays into, or fundamentalism of science, religion of urbanized societies; an ancient ART – art back from being lost in wastelands of ego, back to its primary function of making whole – HEALING.

“Taussig wrote that the perception of the shaman as the creator of order from chaos mirrors the romantic notions of the Western imagination rather than the reality of shamanism. The anthropologist pointed out that the very talk about the shamans’ mystical trips to the heavenly spheres and their organic unity with their tribes is an example of a ‘‘fascist fascination.’’ This is clearly a reference to the scholarship and intellectual background of Eliade, the classic scholar of shamanism studies, who paid tribute to nationalist soil ideology during his early years. The anthropologist simultaneously took on those of his colleagues who associate order with good and disorder with evil. Taussig saw in the anarchy and disorder of Amazon ayahuasca spiritual sessions a helpful antidote to the Western ‘‘fascist’’ order, which is rooted in the European Enlightenment with its logic, rationalism, and discipline. According to Taussig, in this spiritual anarchy lies the liberation potential of shamanic sessions. If we are to believe the anthropologist, one of the Putumayo shamans he met directly pointed out to him, ‘‘I have been teaching people revolution through my work with plants.’’

…

“Taussig pisał, że postrzeganie szamana jako tworzącego porządek z chaosu jest odbiciem romantycznych koncepcji z zachodniej wyobraźni a nie rzeczywistości szamanizmu. Antropolog wskazywał, iż samo gadanie o mistycznych podróżach szamanów do niebiańskich sfer i ich organicznej jedności ze swoim plemieniem to przykład “faszystowskiej fascynacji”. To jasna aluzja do prac i intelektualnych korzeni Eliade, klasycznego badacza szamanizmu, który oddawał hołd nacjonalistycznej ideologii ziemi podczas swoich wczesnych lat. Antropolog jednocześnie uderza w swoich kolegów, którzy łączą porządek z dobrem i chaos ze złem. Taussig w anarchii i chaosie ayahuaskowych duchowych sesji widział przydatne antidotum do zachodniego “faszystowskiego” porządku, zakorzenionego w europejskim Oświeceniu, ze swoją logiką, racjonalizmem i dyscypliną. Według Taussiga, to w duchowej anarchii leży wyzwalający potencjał szamańskich sesji. Jeżeli mamy mu wierzyć, usłyszał te słowa bezpośrednio od jednego z szamanów z Putumayo : “Poprzez swoją pracę z roślinami uczę ludzi rewolucji”.

[ "The Beauty of the Primitive. Shamanism and the Western Imagination", Andrei A. Znamenski ]

I am often asked, why not publish a book about my experiences? It for sure would be more effective in spreading knowledge about certain things and issues than this blog or random articles somewhere. But I came to believe that certain things are more important than “effectiveness”, like truth and honesty, and we all shift our values from latter to former, that unreigned beast called progress could be introduced to his potential fiancee, harmony.

First of all, I love how my life became in ways, let me use this fashionable word, organic. So I think it perfectly fits the style, if I pass certain observations, insights to individuals gathered together, going already through similar process, hence willing and ready to receive, by direct conversation. It fits the style of off- grid living, rather than jetting around the world of my days before. Feels right when it’s done while scraping the medicinal roots, so far removed from extracted single compounds, in bottles listing countless side effects in tiny sings called print.

Because it is not only about romantic fancy of stepping back into oral culture. I think that is not a coincidence that now, when we are recreating / rediscovering ancient techniques of communication with the spirit world, reviving the mythical, that alternative to print ways of communication become important. There is much more than words that direct, oral communication can convey to those who are prepared to hear it, going through initiation, open and present.

Word is like a seed, and it has to fall on fertile ground. Of course, one can scatter it in thousands of copies, hoping that some of them trigger something more than intellectual understanding, or worse, blind quasi religious following.  But we have wasted already so many trees, and besides, there is a risk of devaluation of the message but making it too public too quickly. Many initiatory traditions understood it, most likely long before Al-Halaj has been executed for his too enthusiastically shared revelation.

The other risk is of inflating one’s ego, enamored with sound of own message, its impact, influence, income it brings, and in the meantime, its readers, always happy to receive instructions from the exterior, live in the description rather than in the experience itself. Despite “those who know are silent and those who don’t know, speak” there has been too many Oshos, producing countless volumes, financing their limousines, and binding thousands of believers in stupor of attachment, while both the herd and the shepherd lived far from what was preached.

Word can be countereffective. It can be based upon and point to the example of someone’s experience, and then negated and opposed by the one who doesn’t have such an experience, and therefore block him from it. Word is dualistic discussion, constant monkey chatter, that scares away many more subtle messages present in the cosmos of the forest. And it is through the forest that I am learning in recent years. It is good to silence oneself there to hear more, especially in the path of medicinal dietas, path of vibrating with the plants. When one reveals secrets too soon and open, not only they loose their potency, but one may be blocked from receiving more. Better to keep tuning in, refining that shared vibration frequency, and then enable others to join in the song, in full presence and participation, until truth and harmony is so clearly visible, heard and felt that it needs to be discussed no more.

There has been a lot of doubts on my path recently. About choices, about effectiveness. We left the jungle to see, after a year of sedentary lifestyle, if road will bring solutions. Less control for sure, that ever relapsing disease. Surprise, opening to something new. After continuosly working with Shipibos for such a long time I needed to step out of this beautiful but narrow format, to be able to open more again to intuition, less to tradition and routine. Routine, killer of joy, didn’t reward me in exchange with some extraordinary technique improvements, so I decided this ain’t a fair deal.

So we arrived in the mountains, into fairy land, some call it happy gringo bubble, but this time I came more mature, not as a seeker of illusionary unknown and rare, not as explorer who needs to go, with this characteristic modern western obsession, where “no one” has gone before, but as someone who acknowledges that he is a gringo and just wants to live. So free from internal obligation to produce images ( freed, in some extent, by their excess today, as well as eyes that are not of a young man any more, these small things that help to naturally shape fate, in the face of indecisiveness and hard letting go ), I was able to land in the Sacred Valley as in a substitute of home I am barred from. There is entertainment, there is more choice of food, more diverse characters to meet. Perhaps not so many as in London or Warsaw, but that is even better, not to go so straight from hermitage into supermarket. People are calmer and nicer than in my homeland, and so is the weather. Place to enjoy, to live. But of course as an addict of action, I decided to use the opportunity to continue a bit the photo / guide project, and when I saw post about ceremony with William Koroskenyi, a gringo healer I already heard about in Iquitos, I wrote to him. This was also symbolic, to break my time with the indigenous culture by drinking with a foreigner, as if I were back in the good old Europe. I came with the intention of being once again a documentalist, but shitty low light in the place and great medicine both ruled that my input and my experience will be of a different kind. So there are no great images here, perhaps, but the experience was a great one, and that is perhaps more important and another sign about the path to follow.

To drink in the mountains is a whole different game than in the jungle. In some ways, more challenging, as ayahuasca doesn’t really like the cold, but people not used to heat and mosquitos appreciate cold air one can sip when things become to dense inside. For me this cold breeze is also refreshing these days and brings back the scent of first ceremonies on the other side of great ocean. It feels fresh, it feels clean. I don’t think of sneaky spirits of the jungle, of devils and brujeria, I think about fast brother wind, that always was close to my soul. Sacred Valley is all about “hanan”, the high world, the Father Sky, condor and flight rather than snake and chtonic ambiguity of the lowland forest. I was always rather weary of these upward gazes, feeling they often conceal unresolved issues, smelling of priests, of religion, be it our own pious men in black, spiritual functionaries of Inca empires, or any other men of the high pulpit. I have always liked the doubt, the trickster, but trickster teaches the value of change, and I have grown weary of my doubts. So when I step into the maloca for ceremony with William, I don’t think it is a coincidence that I am walking the tree of life, from the trial of fire and snakes, towards the higher realm.

William works together with his partner Pamela. He has been studying Amazonian shamanism for years now, very thorough but also open to intuition, to being guided by plants and experience itself, rather than only dogma of the culture. Pamela seems to be more of a fusion of different healing modalities, of feeling, flow, touch and direct contact with people. William creates the space, the steady rhytm, upon which others can experiment, open up, and Pamela sneaks around with her energy. They complement each other in the performance, but more important perhaps, show the integration of this medicine, so necessary in this world of many gurus who claim to love the whole world because they are unable to hold balanced relationship with their nearest person.

There is a lot of setting up the space. Preparation, grounding, talking, explanation. Cleansing and calming.  Step by step, with no hurry, with all and each and every one in proper order. It builds the climax, it prolongs the session, it gives it added value, regardless of our belief about actual value of certain gestures, such as tobacco sopladas. This is good inspiration for me, often carried away by my impatience, by inner fire, dismissing the uncessary.  Ceremonial structure can teach about that – we can either slowly dismiss everything as superflous, superstition, just take our psychedelics with Brian Eno’s smartphone app and in doing so discard all tradition, all need for human presence and interaction. But by doing so we desacralize all world, bring everything down to utility and end up in the same loneliness and despair we tried to escape in the first place with aid of plant medicines. Yes, it is cheaper, maybe even faster to do our shopping in cashierless supermarket, but I enjoy wasting time with campesinas in mercado of Pisac. Yes, I could just get my potent brew online and drink it with unlimited diversity of Spotify soundtrack, doing away with mapacho smoke, but I want to feel William’s breath in the palms of my  hand. I want everything to have meaning. To appreciate. To live for the process, rather than just the outcome.

Not only with chill of nature around us I am closing sentimental loop to my first ceremony ever. Since we came from the jungle my sinus is blocked again, eternal problem since early colds of my youth. It subsided in the tropics, but here it is again, justifying ceremonial rape, medicine that likes a good reason for its use, and without it can easily turn into another mindless habit. A round is served, and we are ready to start.

Brew was very tasty, rare thing, but not impossible, when one knows how to cook. Mostly chacruna providing light, but some huambissa too, which I could feel, it is always more physical/medicinal in my experience. The first cup, full one, started coming up strong,  I purged, apparently trying to avoid harder work, and of course then regretted it as I sat just listening to icaros, feeling a little buzz. I was in a different position however then during most ceremonies of last year, when I had been in charge of the show and somehow responsible for it, this time as a guest I could really accept whatever happens. When the time for second round came, I was of course one of the few to take it.

William sings classical ribereno style, mestizo Spanish icaros, with rich, deep voice, long, stable, he walks around with his chakapa, sometimes sits down with a particular person. Pamela is more random, less predictable, her songs can go through different, sometimes unpleasant, sometimes touching, freaky registers, which for me is always more inspiring, closer to the primitive, improvised shamanism, far from mind and memory, closer to the moment. They asked in the beginning to keep silent, not to join them, which was a good lesson of patience and somehow allowed me to save breath for a right moment, when it came. Out of difficult time, as usually, out of sickness and crisis comes the best singing, always been like this, almost as if this was to teach something about paradoxes of life. And these icaros are from gift from the source, rare time when my plans disappear and my mind takes a back seat. It was a release I have been waiting for a long time, maybe even months of routine and rising feeling of resignation and pointlessness. It was also a powerful lesson in gratitude, some hints about healing with it my greed, all these things I know from my path, all these humble-yourself-and-jah-jah will-guide-I, that I keep losing, in my hunger for more. Make amends, ask little, and the right times return, in fact they are here already, just wake up to it, Mundo.

There are challenges ahead, but this kind of ceremonies gives strength to continue. Giving thanks, not only to the captains, but to all the crew who participated, co-created, even just by their presence, more so by kind words, smiles, gratitude. It all builds the house we want to live in.

The spirit is back.

You can find William and Pamela mostly in the jungle, not far from Iquitos, Peru, where they run Avatar centre ( https://www.eywainstitute.org ), hosting retreats and dietas, and where, is Jah permits, I will be able to visit, to develop this one night stand into something deeper.

but feel I try / lecz czuć próbuję

The further you want to go, the stronger should be the rope anchoring you in your foundations. These foundations are daily life, being in the world, which is testimony for the the thing you claim to be medicine. If you loose the grip on reality, you loose ability to check what is happening to you in relation to the world, you may commit the sacrilege towards what you say you love – because for those who only wait for you to fall, you will be best example of the joke these claims to healings are. When you strive to open your third eye, be careful that light you seek does not blind you, because the trick is to know maya, and to embrace it, not deny, with eyes fixed on seeing the invisible. Love dunya, praise the world.

…

Im dalej chcesz podróżować, tym silniejsza powinna być lina kotwicząca cię w twych fundamentach. Są nimi codzienne życie, bycie w świecie, które stanowi świadectwo na rzecz tego, co, jak twierdzisz, jest medycyną. Jeżeli tracisz kontakt z rzeczywistością, tracisz zdolność zweryfikowania tego co dzieje się na styku ciebie i świata, możesz popełnić wówczas świętokradztwo, wobec tego co rzekomo kochasz i szanujesz. Bo dla tych, którzy tylko czekają byś upadł, będziesz najlepszym przykładem dowcipu, jakim jest to rzekome leczenie. Kiedy więc napinasz się by otworzyć trzecie oko, uważaj by światło, jakiego szukasz nie oślepiło cię, bo cały trick to rozpoznać mayę, i ją zaakceptować, nie wypierać, z oczami wypatrującymi czegoś poza. Kochaj dunye, sław świat.

Being ungrounded is in my opinion the most common threat from indiscriminate, chaotic psychedelic use. Illusions of grandeur or contrary, fear and paranoia, conspiracy theories, make believe new age spirituality, fantasies about talking with plant spirits while avoiding engaging with personal issues or own family, all this is common among ever increasing numbers of those, who in the age of internet got used to conviction that all opinions and truths are equal, that all being one means = whatever. If there was nothing they considered of value in their life before, it is very quick and common process to proceed from the experience of “awakening”, to ego inflation, to missionary attitudes, to Don Quixote fighting reptilians, chemtrails, and in the process making fool of himself. In this chapter he will wear Shipibo shirt and Indian feather crown, but he is still a guide in what to be watching out for.

Traditional shamans don’t lose their head in clouds, and to do so they engage in real life, have normal activities, often get dirty. Be like them, instead of dealing with reptilians, maybe learn to milk a cow?

I may cherish my own taste and the fact I am not wearing Indian feather crown and chasing exotic gurus, but I would not be honest – and perhaps wouldn’t dare to preach the words above if I were not myself – at times at least – the guy in Shipibo shirt who does not have a clue how to milk a cow.

…

Brak ukorzenienia to w mojej opinii najczęstsze zagrożenie płynące z niekontrolowanego, chaotycznego używania psychodelików, nawet jeśli dzieje się to pod szyldem ceremonii, w oparach palo santo i dźwiękach mantr. Iluzje wielkości, zwłaszcza na początku częsta ekstaza i fanatyzm neofitów, albo na odwrót, strach i paranoja, teorie spiskowe, patchworkowa duchowość new age, fantazje na temat duchów roślin, przy jednoczesnym unikaniu konfrontacji z osobistymi problemami, z rodziną z krwi, to wszystko jest powszechne w coraz większych szeregach tych, którzy w epoce Internetu przyzwyczaili się do przekonania, że wszystkie prawdy i opinie są równowarte, że skoro wszystko jest jednością – to znaczy wszystko jedno. Jeżeli w ich życiach nie było wcześniej nic co uznawali za wartościowe, to szybki i dość powszechny bywa proces, gdy z doświadczenia “przebudzenia” przechodzą do inflacji ego, podstaw misjonarskich, do Don Kiszota walczącego z reptilianami, chemtrailsami i w ramach tego procesu, do zwyczajnej farsy. W tej odsłonie błazen nosi etniczne koce i pióropusz, ale dalej jest drogowskazem jaki mówi – uważaj by nie iść tą drogą. Alejandro Jodorowski napisał, że jego zdaniem ayahuaska we współczesnym świecie w dużej mierze trafiła do ludzi o romantyczno- infantylnej mentalności. Nie pozwólmy by mówił o nas.

Tradycyjni szamani nie tracą głowy w chmurach, uczestniczą w prawdziwym życiu, normalnych czynnościach, czasem uwaleni błotem i potem. Bądź jak oni, zamiast walczyć z reptilianami, może naucz się doić krowę?

Mogę cenić sobie własne poczucie smaku, które powstrzymuje mnie przed zakładaniem indiańskiego pióropusza i gonieniem za egzotycznymi guru, ale nie byłbym uczciwy – zapewne nie miałbym odwagi wygłaszać powyższych kazań – gdyby nie to, że to ja jestem – przynajmniej czasami – tym gościem w koszuli Shipibo, który nie ma pojęcia jak wydoić krowę.

“La Ayahuasca apareció de manera sorpresiva en mi vida en 1986 cuando quería explorar las potencialidades terapéuticas de las medicinas tradicionales. A la vez ello se inscribía en un proceso de búsqueda personal, psicológica, espiritual y  profesional, iniciado mucho antes y que encontró un giro importante cuando estuve en 1984 en Calcuta donde la Madre Teresa y tuve una experiencia de estado modificado de la consciencia sin tomar nada sino acompañando a un moribundo en sus últimos momentos. Ahí decidí dejar los caminos seguros e ir a la aventura en la Amazonía peruana. Se desgarró el velo y entendí que había encontrado lo que buscaba sin saberlo. Me llevó a fundar el Centro Takiwasi para tratar personas con problemas de adicción, a pesar de mis resistencias sobre una perspectiva de vida que no había imaginado. Me llevó también a muchas otras plantas y técnicas ancestrales de sanación sin toma de plantas. Fue como  pasar de ver una película en blanco y negro a una en 3D y a colores. Resumiría unas vivencias tan  complejas y difíciles de poner en palabras diciendo que se trata esencialmente para mí de un camino de reconciliación con lo que es y lo que soy, mi historia, mis orígenes, mis cualidades y mis limitaciones y más que todo con la herencia cristiana que es el tesoro absoluto donde el uso correcto y ritualizado de las plantas juega un papel de precursor en el conocimiento de la Caritas, el amor espiritual.

La Ayahuasca no crea ninguna dependencia y exige “pagar el precio” para acceder al conocimiento. Esa exploración de las profundidades de lo invisible personal, colectivo y transpersonal requiere coraje, perseverancia y humildad. Solicita una alta cuota de sufrimiento y exigencia, la confrontación con el ego y los miedos más profundos como una especie de “suero de la verdad”. Es nada menos que lúdico. Abre las puertas a una vivencia mística de contacto directo con el mundo espiritual que conduce a una encarnación cotidiana con el sufrimiento del otro y el desarrollo de una compasión activa. No es una droga en el sentido popular de la palabra pero como cualquier cosa de la creación, aun las más sagradas, puede transformarse en instrumento de poder, de inflación del ego en vez de ampliación de la consciencia. Todo depende de la actitud interior, la sinceridad, la humildad, y de un uso guiado y correctamente ritualizado. La Ayahuasca “enseña el camino” pero no lo recorre a nuestro lugar… sin invertir en lo cotidiano, sin seguir las indicaciones y las reglas ancestrales de uso, como toda medicina se puede transformar en veneno, y en este caso un veneno del alma.”

Ayahuaska pojawiła się w moim życiu w zaskakujący sposób w roku 1986, kiedy zacząłem eksplorację terapeutycznego potencjału medycyny tradycyjnej. Była to jednocześnie część mojego własnego procesu, osobistego, psychologicznego, duchowego, i zawodowego poszukiwania, zaincjowanego dużo wcześniej, a poważnie przekierowanego na inne tory, kiedy miałem okazję być świadkiem przy ostatnich momentach życia Matki Teresy w Kalkucie w roku 1984, i doświadczyłem odmiennego stanu świadomości, bez zażycia jakiejkolwiek substancji. To wówczas zdecydowałem się opuścić bezpieczne ścieżki i wyruszyć na przygodę w peruwiańskiej Amazonii. Zasłona została rozdarta i zrozumiałem, iż znalazłem to czego szukałem, nie wiedząc o tym. To spowodowało powstanie Centrum Takiwasi, gdzie leczymy osoby z problemami uzależnień, pomimo moich pierwotnych oporów wobec perspektywy życia, jakiego sobie wcześniej nie wyobrażałem. Ta ścieżka poprowadziła mnie także do poznania wielu innych roślin i rdzennych technik uzdrawiania bez użycia roślin. Było to jak przejście od oglądania filmów czarnobiałych do kolorowych i do tego w 3D. Podsumowałbym te doświadczenia, tak złożone i trudne do zawarcia w słowach, mówiąc iż mamy tu w zasadzie do czynienia ze ścieżką pogodzenia się z tym co naprawdę jest, kim jestem ja, moją historią, moim pochodzenieniem, moimi zaletami i ograniczeniami, a przede wszystkim, z moim chrześcijańskim dziedzictwem, które jest absolutnym skarbem, gdy poprawne i rytualne użycie roślin odgrywa rolę prekursora w zdobyciu poznania Caritas, duchowej miłości.

Ayahuaska nie generuje żadnego rodzaju uzależnienia, i wymaga “zapłacenia ceny” za dostęp do wiedzy. Ta eksploracja głębin niewidzialnego, osobistego, kolektywnego i transpersonalnego, wymaga odwagi, wytrwałości, pokory. Oznacza także konieczność wielkiego cierpienia, dyscypliny, konfrontacji z ego i najgłębszymi strachami, niczym rodzaj “serum prawdy”. To nie jest zwykła zabawa. Otwiera drzwi mistycznego doświadczenia bezpośredniego kontaktu ze światem duchowym, które prowadzi w życiu codziennym do połączenia się z cierpieniem, i rozwinięcia aktywnego współczucia. To nie jest narkotyk w popularnym znaczeniu tego słowa, ale jak wszystko co stworzone, nawet najbardziej święte, może przeistoczyć się w instrument władzy, inflacji ego, zamiast poszerzenia świadomości. Wszystko zależy od wewnętrznego nastawienia, uczciwości, pokory, jak i prowadzonego i poprawnie zrytualizowanego stosowania. Ayahuaska “pokazuje drogę” ale nie przejdzie jej za nas. Bez inwestycji w codzienną praktykę, bez podążania za wskazówkami i pradawnymi wskazówkami użycia, jak każda medycyna, może przekształcić się w truciznę, i w tym wypadku oznacza to truciznę dla duszy.

Ayahuasca appeared in a suprising way in my life in 1986, when I wanted to explore the therepeutical potential of traditional medicines. At the same time it fit in my process of personal, psychological, spiritual and professional search, intitiated much earlier, which came to important turn when I was present at Mother’s Theresa dying moments in Calcultta in 1984 and experienced altered state of consciousness without having taken any substance. That is when I decided to abandon the safe paths and go for an adventure in Peruvian Amazon. The veil has been torn and I understood that I have found what I was looking for, without knowing it. It brought me to create Takiwasi Center for treatment of persons with addiction problems, despite my resistance to perspective of life I had not imagined before. It also brought me to a lot of other plants and ancestral techniques of healing without use of plants. It was like moving from seeing a black and white film to one in 3d and in colours. I would sum these experiences so complex and difficult to encase in words by saying that we are dealing here basically with my path of reconcilliation with what really is and who I am , my history, my origins, my qualities and my limitations, and above all, my Christian heritage, which is an absolute treasure, where correct and ritualized usage of the plants plays a role of precursor in obtaining knowledge of Caritas, spiritual love.

Ayahuasca does not create any kind of dependency and does require to “pay a price” for accessing the knowlege. This exploration of depths of the invisible, the personal, collective and transpersonal, requires courage, perseverance and humility. It asks for a large amount of suffering and discipline, confrontation with ego and the most profound fears, like a kind of “truth serum”.  It is not a mere play. It opens the doors of mystical experience of direct contact with spiritual world, which leads in daily life to connecting with suffering of the other and development of active compassion.  This is not a drug in popular sense of the word, but like anything in creation, even the most sacred, it can transform into instrument of power, inflation of ego instead of widening of consciousness. Everything depends upon interior attitude, sincerity, humility, and guided and correctly ritualized use. Ayahuasca “shows the way” but is not walking the way for us. Without investing in everyday practice, without following indications and ancestral rules of use, like all medicine it can transform itself into venom, and in this case it means venom for the soul.

And a Man sat alone, drenched deep in sadness. And all the animals drew near to him and said, “We do not like to see you so sad. Ask us for whatever you wish and you shall have it.” The Man said, “I want to have good sight.” The vulture replied, “You shall have mine.” The Man said, “I want to be strong.” The jaguar said, “You shall be strong like me.” Then the Man said, “I long to know the secrets of the earth.” The serpent replied, “I will show them to you.” And so it went with all the animals. And when the Man had all the gifts that they could give, he left. Then the owl said to the other animals, “Now the Man knows much, he’ll be able to do many things. Suddenly I am afraid.” The deer said, “The Man has all that he needs. Now his sadness will stop.” But the owl replied, “No. I saw a hole in the Man, deep like a hunger he will never fill. It is what makes him sad and what makes him want. He will go on taking and taking, until one day the World will say, ‘I am no more and I have nothing left to give.’

Settled life was a new thing for me. It was clear for me, from some time, that constant travels were form of escape, but only specific difficulties of settled life were able to reveal more about the reasons. I do not mean these basic facts of life in the jungle without electricity, gas, I actually enjoy being more grounded in this sense, chopping firewood, working physically, dealing with everyday challenges. I feel it is great school of things neglected in my life so far, way more guided by element of air. But greater school is in the relations with other apes, something I have been able observe more from a distance, and laugh at their petty quarrels, this clashes of egoes forced to be too long and too close together. It is good to laugh, but they have a tendency to grow into something less laughauble, as countless wars, slaughters and genocides of history show. So my way to avoiding it to grow bigger was to move on, this way by avoiding competition I avoided the consequences of certain negative qualities of character, and I was not forced to look into them. I could also easily say, I have no enemies.

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Osiadłe życie było dla mnie nowością. Było jasne od dla mnie już od jakiegoś czasu, że ciągłe podróże są formą ucieczki, ale dopiero konkretne trudności związane z osiadłym życiem były w stanie ujawnić coś więcej na temat przyczyn. Nie mam na myśli tych klasycznych banałów życia w dżungli bez prądu, gazu, w zasadzie to super sprawa tak się uziemić, porąbać drewna, popracować fizycznie, wypełniać dzień z dala od internetu borykaniem się z codziennymi wyzwaniami. Czuję, że to świetna szkoła przedmiotów zaniedbanych w mym dotychczasowym życiu, któremu raczej patronował żywioł powietrza.

Poważniejsza szkoła dotyczy jednak relacji z innymi małpami w stadzie, coś co zwykle mogłem obserwować raczej z dystansu, i śmiać się z ich patetycznych małych kłótni, starć ego zmuszonych do przebywania zbyt długo i zbyt blisko razem. Dobrze jest pośmiać się, ale te konflikty miewają tendencje do wyrastania w coś mniej zabawnego, jak niezliczone wojny, rzezie, ludobójstwa, znane nam z historii, z których wniosków wyciągnięto nie za wiele.

Więc moim sposobem na uniknięcia uczestniczenia w bardziej poważnych fazach konfliktu było ruszanie dalej, tym sposobem poprzez unikanie konkurowania unikałem konsekwencji pewnych negatywnych cech charakteru i nie byłem zmuszony do przyglądania się im zbyt dokładnie. Bez wahania mogłem też stwierdzić, iż nie mam wroga.

What I missed however by observing from a distance, was the ability to know myself better, because only in the mirror of others a careful observer can see himself clearly, if he is careful to avoid projection and really willing to honestly look within. So I by observing and participating in the life of so called mecicine community, if such thing exists, I came to understand that guiding principle of life of many – and source of troubles – is the obstacle of envy and low esteem. From this flows the need to control the world outside and others, their feelings and what they do. I was able to see this here clearly, because I was able to see this in me. These things help each other – as often repeated but rarely followed through new age saying has it - inlakesh alakan, you are me and I am you. By seeing and understanding thing in me I understand it in you – and by observing your reactions, behaviour, I can have more compassion and be grateful, because thanks to your mistakes, I will be able to watch out more carefully not to commit them myself. In such way, I believe, fueled by personal motivation, can egotic personality like mine evolve, and to start considering its greatest enemies as teachers. And if one is forced to live near teacher longer than expected, more learning can occur, than when he could just avoid the hard lesson and move on.

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A jednak, to co traciłem jako obserwator z dystansu, to zdolność poznania siebie lepiej, bo jedynie w lustrze z innych uważny poszukiwacz może zobaczyć się wyraźniej, jeżeli ma baczenie na pułapki projekcji i gotów jest na prawdziwą szczerość. Tak więc obserwując i uczestnicząc w życiu tak zwanej społeczności wokół amazońskiej medycyny, jeżeli w ogóle coś takiego istnieje, przyszło mi zrozumieć, iż wiodącym czynnikiem w życiu wielu – i źródłem kłopotów – jest grzech zazdrości i poczucie niskiej wartości. Z tego płynie potrzeba kontroli świata na zewnątrz, i innych, ich uczuć i tego co robią. Mogłem zobaczyć to tu wyraźnie, bo mogłem zobaczyć to we mnie. To wzajemnie się nakręca, wspomaga – jak w często powtarzanym, a rzadko praktykowanym new agowym powiedzonku – inlakesh alakan – jesteś mną, a ja jestem tobą. Poprzez widzenie i zrozumienie rzeczy we mnie – zrozumieć ją w tobie – i poprzez obserwację twoich reakcji, zachowania, mogę mieć więcej współ-czucia i być wdzięcznym, ponieważ dzięki twoim błędom będę mógł bardziej pilnowac się by nie popełnić ich sam. W taki sposób, wierzę, napędzana osobistą motywacją, egotyczna osobowość taka jak moja może rozwijać się, i zacżąć postrzegać swych największych wrogów jako nauczycieli. I jeżeli jest się zmuszonym przebywać z nauczycielem dłużej niż to wygodne, więcej nauki będzie miało miejsce, niż gdyby po prostu unikać niewygodnej lekcji, i ruszać dalej.

One of the basic needs of life is the need for recognition. Mine was always a solitary path, and I believe to a large extent, it was fueled by this need, and at the same time, it made it greater. Being interested and practicing rare things, going to rare places somewhere subconsciously asked for recognition, admiration, respect, as compensation for something initially missing in the beginning. However it also meant separation from the “ordinary life” and so longing for it, also subconscious. Perhaps it is natural condition of outcasts and artists and this unfullfilment is a price to pay for following their ambitions. It creates this unsatiable greed, of experience, greed of the world, that is supposed to fill what can not be filled. One can not have everything , be everyone and everywhere. If one attempts, it results with more and more of envy.

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Jedną z podstawowych potrzeb w życiu jest potrzeba uznania przez innych. Moja ścieżka od dawna była samotnicza, i jestem przekonany, w znacznym stopniu, napędzała mnie właśnie ta potrzeba, a jednocześnie taki styl życia czynił ją jeszcze większą. Interesowanie się i praktykowanie rzadkich rzeczy, podróżowanie w “rzadkie” miejsca, nietypowe cele,  to gdzieś podświadomie proszenie się o uznanie, podziw, szacunek, jako kompensacja czegoś czego gdzieś pierwotnie zabrakło. Jednakże oznacza to także większe oddzielenie od “codziennego życia”, i zatem tęsknotę za nim, także podświadomą. Być może to naturalny stan włóczęgi, wyrzutka, artysty, i to niespełnienie jest ceną jaką trzeba zapłacić za podążanie za wybujałymi ambicjami. Generuje ono tą nie do zaspokojenia chciwość, doświadczenia, świata, który ma wypełnić tą dziurę jakiej wypełnić się nie da. Tak jak nie da się wymusić miłości, tak nie można mieć wszystkiego, być wszystkimi i wszędzie. Jeżeliby próbować, kończy się to coraz większą siłą zazdrości.

By fate’s gift of this forced stop I could see the distastrous consequences the envy produces. In this little world following Amazonian medicine, I guess logically, the amount of spiritual sickness is, despite its delusion, perhaps greater than in the whole society. It may be more acknowledged, or observed, for example in flashes of ayahausca ceremonies, but whether it is more worked with in daily life, I seriously doubt. The amount of projection, inflated egoes, even open rage hidden under false robes of peace and love that I witnessed here might be greater here than I have seen anywhere else, to be honest. It may be because here I was able to stop and look closer, let’s leave these judgements aside then. The fact is I want to say thank you to my enemies, because I know more now the sorrow that eats them, and thanks to knowing it I know my sorrow better. In their complexes I see mine, in their need for recognition I see mine, in their loneliness I see my separation of many years.  These things can not be healed by more – more of profit, if your envy is for money, more of disciples gathered, if your problem was a lonely path, more success, if your problem was low esteem. They can only be healed by gratefullness and letting go. I am going for diet now with abuelo huachuma, with the intention of giving thanks for what I already have.  With hope it can bestow on me some of its rock like quality, to be able to observe again and to be unmoved by the anxiety of those still torn by envy, instead of participate in their game, so that they can finally get tired of it and get rest themselves. In the end we will all profit, but someone has to let go first. Perhaps that could be worthiest competition of all. So I want to be first to apologize for my arrogance, because I know it grows out of envy. I hope you can make it too.

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Wymuszony darem losu nieoczekiwany przystanek pozwolił mi przyjrzeć się dramatycznym konsekwencjom, jakie może taka zazdrość generować. W tym małym, nomen omen, światku praktykujących amazońską medycynę, co pewnie jest logiczne, skala duchowej choroby, jest, pomimo jego iluzji, całkiem możliwe, iż większa niż w społeczeństwie jako całości. Być może jest bardziej zauważalna dzięki zwiększonej roślinami wrażliwości, podlegająca autorefleksji, na przykład podczas przebłysków w ayahuaskowych ceremoniach, ale czy bardziej przepracowywana w codziennym życiu, mocno w to wątpię. Ilość projekcji, napompowanych ego, czy nawet kipiącej wściekłości i agresji ukrytej pod fałszywymi szatami pokoju i miłości, jest być może wieksza, niż to co widziałem gdziekolwiek wcześniej. Może być tak jednak ponieważ to tutaj właśnie udało mi się zatrzymać i przyjrzeć bliżej, więc zostawmy te oceny i porównania na boku.  Faktem jest jednak, że wypada mi powiedzieć “dziękuję” moim wrogom, ponieważ teraz wiem więcej o smutku jaki ich zjada, i znając go mogę rozpoznać własny lepiej. W ich kompleksach widzę własne, w ich potrzebie uznania widzę swoją, w ich samotności moje wieloletnie oddzielenie. Tych rzeczy nie wyleczy więcej tego samego – więcej zysku, jeżeli twoja zazdrość dotyczy pieniędzy, więcej zgromadzonych wyznawców, jeżeli twoim problemem była samotna ścieżka, więcej sukcesu, jeżeli była nim niska samoocena. Można je jedynie uzdrowić poprzez wdzięczność i odpuszczanie. Zaczynam teraz dietę z dziadkiem huachuma , z intencją złożenia podziękowań za to co już mi dane. Z nadzieją, że może mi udzielić cząstkę ze swojej skalistości, bym nieporuszony niepokojem tych wciaż rozdzieranych zazdrością, zamiast grać w ich grę, spokojnie czekał, aż sami się nią zmęczą i będą mogli odpocząć. Wszyscy wtedy zyskamy, ale ktoś musi odpuścić pierwszy. Być może to właśnie najwartościowsza konkurencja. Dlatego pierwszy chcę przeprosić za swoją arogancję, bo wiem, że przykrywa zazdrość. Oby i tobie się udało.